10/31/2016 at 6:41 PM #469
HERE IS A WONDERFUL IDEA FOR A KID’S B-DAY PARTY
· Go to a “Dollar” Store
· Get 8-15 items as a “grab bag”
All of your favorite items as a kid; you know they’ll love it. Kids will have a ball!
11/15/2016 at 7:43 PM #1053
Some good quotes here…..
“Don’t take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.”
“Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.”
“Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.”
“Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?”
“Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grow up.”
“A hangover is the wrath of grapes.”
“I smile because I don’t know what the heck is going on.”
SEND IN YOUR FAVORITES!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!~!
ST – Staff
11/15/2016 at 7:44 PM #1054
“One person with passion is better than forty who are merely interested.”
(Thomas Connellan, Business writer and speaker)
ST – Staff
11/15/2016 at 7:44 PM #1055
11/15/2016 at 7:45 PM #1056
Interesting one here…..
When people say to me: “How do you do so many things?”
I often answer them, without meaning to be cruel:
“How do you do so little?”
It seems to me that people have vast potential.
Most people can do extraordinary things if they have the confidence or take risks.
Yet most people don’t.
They sit in front of the telly and treat life as if it goes on forever.
11/15/2016 at 7:46 PM #1057
Looking for some Fun.. different way
When is the last time you visited an antique/ collectibles store?
You will be amazed what you find in there. Great place for a unique gift for an upcoming birthday.
It also offers a pleasant trip down memory lane. For a different type of fun, check out an antique/ collectible store.
11/15/2016 at 7:46 PM #1058
GREAT SURPRISE idea for a Birthday….
Hers a story of a great “Kidnapping” that took place as a surprise birthday gift.
“Well Tim……….the process to get her there was not so nice……..she thought she was taking me to hematology for an appointment that I couldn’t go to alone…….kind of mean………but you know Cherri……..she is VERY HARD to surprise. She didn’t ask any questions when I said I needed her, so I really didn’t have to lie………just told her I needed her for a few hours, couldn’t go alone, didn’t want anyone to know what I was doing, so it was best to leave Joe at the office and not raise a red flag………..we got to hematology, Annie Mae pulled up, I jumped in the car, Cherri was clueless……….AnnieMae said, “get in the car, we’re going to the spa”………she said I can’t, I am here with Barb for an appointment, I rolled down the back window (she didn’t even see me get in the backseat) we said HAPPY BIRTHDAY…..we are kidnapping you etc………she goes “you mean I’m not going to work today ?” NOPE Cherri……..you are all ours. We have your kids covered, we have work covered. You are ours for the day!………great day……for a great lady!”
11/15/2016 at 7:47 PM #1059
11/15/2016 at 7:48 PM #1060
11/15/2016 at 7:48 PM #1061
Fun IDEA for a PARTY
There is a book called “The Book Of Questions”
What a conversation piece.
The questions that are asked will have your friends laughing, thinking, and blushing. Wait til you see the answers your friends give.
Ex: If you could increase your IQ by 40 points by having an ugly scar stretching from your mouth to your eye…. would you do so?
Pick up this book for your next party.
Jennifer, Auburn, NY
11/15/2016 at 7:49 PM #1062
BIG GIANT FUN
Size “98” underwear or panties.. great for a sleepover party.
5 foot pencils… what an opening day Back to School gift for your kid
Huge Scissors.. For your Barber?
3 Foot Judges Gavel… great retirement or case settling gift
Giant DICE.. for your gambling friend
Go to :
The WWWebScout, Planet Earth
11/15/2016 at 7:50 PM #1063
Under 30 Sec. Joke( great icebreaker for meetings)
This one is for everyone who…
a) has kids
b) had kids
c) was a kid
d) knows a kid
e) baby-sits kids
f) is going to have kids
I guess that means all of us!!
“DADDY’S GONNA EAT YOUR FINGERS”
I was packing for my business trip and my three year old daughter was having a wonderful time playing on the bed. At one point she said,”Daddy, look at this” and stuck out two of her fingers.
Trying to keep her entertained, I reached out and stuck her tiny fingers in my mouth and said,”Daddy’s gonna eat your fingers”, as I pretended to eat them.
I went back to packing, looked up again and my daughter was standing on the bed staring at her fingers with a devastated look on her face.
I said, “What’s wrong, honey?”
“What happened to my booger?”
T A Smith, ST Staff
11/15/2016 at 7:52 PM #1064
The under 30 Second Joke #2
The man looked a little worried when the doctor came in to administer his annual physical, so the first thing the doctor did was ask whether anything was troubling him.
“Well to tell you the truth Doc, yes,” answered the patient. “You see, I seem to be getting forgetful. No, its actually worse than that.I can never remember where I park my car, where I’m going, or what it is I’m going to do once I get there. So I really need your help. What can I do?”
The doctor mused for a moment, then answered kindly, “Pay me in advance.”
11/15/2016 at 7:52 PM #1065
30 second joke #3
Skinny Dipping in Australia:
For several years, an elderly Darwin man had owned a large farm which had a large pond in the back. It was a proper good ‘un – clear water, nice and deep at one end …… an ideal spot for swimming. He had fixed it up pretty good too; picnic tables, a horseshoe court, and some apple and peach trees.
One evening the old farmer decided to take a walk down to the pond and look it over as he hadn’t been there for a while. He grabbed a five-gallon bucket to bring back some of his fruit. As he neared the pond, he heard female voices shouting and laughing with glee and as he came closer, he saw it was a bunch of young women skinny-dipping in his pond.
He coughed to make the women aware of his presence, which caused them to scream out loud and splash noisily towards the deep end.
One of the women shouted to him, ‘We’re not coming out until you leave!’
The old man frowned and called back, ‘No worries ladies, I didn’t come down here just to watch you ladies swim around naked, or to embarrass you by making you climb out of the pond with no swim suits to cover you.’ Holding up his bucket, he then said, ‘I’m just here to feed the crocodile
11/15/2016 at 7:54 PM #1066
30 second Joke #4
I just read an article ion the dangers of heavy drinking.
Scared the living daylights out of me.
So thats it….
After today, No more READING!
Deb B, Syracuse NY
11/15/2016 at 7:54 PM #1067
30 second joke #5
A blonde heard that milk baths would make her beautiful. She left a note for her milk man to leave 25 gallons of milk.
When the milkman read the note, he felt there must be a mistake. He thought she probably meant 2.5 gallons. So he knocked on the door to clarify the point.
The blonde came to the door and the milkman said, ‘I found your note asking me to leave 25 gallons of milk. Did you mean 2.5 gallons?’
The blonde said, ‘I want 25 gallons. I’m going to fill my bathtub up with milk and take a milk bath so I can look young and beautiful again.
The milkman asked, ‘Do you want it pasteurized?’
The blonde said, ‘No, just up to my boobs. I can splash it on my face.’
Dave M, Camillus, NY
11/15/2016 at 7:55 PM #1068
300 ways to enjoy TOAST??
Its all here.
Peanut butter and oatmeal?
Cottage cheese and apples?
Cinnamon and peaches?
Some very creative ways to make toast.
Also some other good information such as 10 reasons oatmeal is good for you, sand WHY breakfast IS the most important meal.
11/15/2016 at 7:55 PM #1069
2 Quotes to “kick you in the teeth”
“No one would allow garbage at his table, but many allow it served into their minds.”
-Fulton John Sheen-
Wow..sometimes we need to get kicked in the teeth to wake up.
“The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing at the right place, but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment.”
– Lady Dorothy Nevill
Ooh is that powerful?
Carol M, Texas
11/15/2016 at 7:56 PM #1070
30 Second Joke #6
At one point during a game, the coach called one of his 7-year- old
baseball players aside and asked, “Do you understand what co-operation is? What a team is?”
The little boy nodded in the affirmative.
Do you understand that what matters is whether we win or lose together as a team?”
The little boy nodded yes.
“So,” the coach continued, “I’m sure you know, when an out is called,you shouldn’t argue, curse, attack the umpire, or call him a pecker-head. Do you understand all that?”
Again the little boy nodded.
He continued, “And when I take you out of the game so another boy gets a chance to play, it’s bad sportsmanship to call your coach a dumb asshole’ isn’t it?”
Again the little boy nodded.
“Good, said the coach. “Now go over there and explain all that to your mother.”
11/15/2016 at 7:57 PM #1071
30 Second Joke #7
A senior citizen goes in for his yearly physical
with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says,
‘I will need a urine sample,
a stool sample, and a sperm sample.’
The man, being hard of hearing,
turns to his wife and asks, ‘What did he say?’
The wife yells back to him,
‘GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!’
D Bradley, Syracuse
11/15/2016 at 7:57 PM #1072
Passion: There are many things in life that will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart…pursue those.
TDO, New York
11/15/2016 at 7:58 PM #1073
Fast, easy, friendly Halloween costume!
Use 2 white pillow cases of the same size. Scrunch up balls of newspaper (baseball size) and put them in the pillow cases til each is about half full. Connect the open ends of the pillow cases to each other at thier corners, big pins, or sew them. Make an oversized cardboard copy of the tag off a tea bag and attach a string to it that you can attach to the child’s head somehow. Put his/her head through the hole made by attaching the corners, so the ends of the pillow cases are across his/her chest and back. Pin the bottom corners to each other near his/her knees and there you have it! He or she is a walking tea bag!
Micki in Michigan! ðŸ™‚
11/15/2016 at 7:58 PM #1074
How old will you LIVE to Be??
Herre is a fun LIFE EXPECTANCY test.
You answer a few questions and it calculates in front of your eyes how old you ll live to.
Watch the age prediction on the top right of the screen change as you answer the various questions.
Karen S, Auburn
11/15/2016 at 7:59 PM #1075
30 Second Joke # 8
A cardioligist died and was given an elaborate funeral attended by fellow physicians,family members annd friends.
A huge heart covered in flowers stood behind the casket during the service. Following the eulogy,the heart opened and the casket rolled inside.The heart then closed, sealing the doctor in the beautiful heart forever.
At that point one of the mourners burst into laughter. When all eyes stared at him, he said, I’m sorry, I was thinking of my own funeral,I’m an OBGYN.
That’s when the Proctologist fainted.
M Nickels, Lafayette NY
11/15/2016 at 7:59 PM #1076
30 Second Joke #9
How come married women are heavier than single women?
A single woman goes home, sees what’s in the fridge, and goes to bed. A married woman goes home, sees what’s in the bed, and goes to the fridge.
11/15/2016 at 8:00 PM #1077
HAPPY MORNING song
Stand in front of the mirror in the morning and look into your OWN eyes and LAUGH!
There….you have started the day out HAPPY!
You can even get the tooth brush- microphone and belt out your favorite song!
Pippi Longstocking aka Madeleine in Denver
11/15/2016 at 8:01 PM #1078
TAS QualityQuote #4
“The reason a dog has so many friends is that he wags his tail and not his tongue.”
11/15/2016 at 8:01 PM #1079
30 Second Joke #10
Visiting a college campus, the prospective student spots a building called Hemingway Hall. “That’s nice”, he says, “a building named after Ernest Hemingway.”
“Actually”, says the tour guide,”its named for Joshua Hemingway.”
“Was he a writer?” the student asks. “Yes. As a matter of fact he was. He wrote a big check.”
11/15/2016 at 8:08 PM #1080
11/15/2016 at 8:08 PM #1081
Its easy to be against something that you are afraid of. And its easy to be afraid of something that you don’t understand.
It\’s called getting out of your comfort zone. Go for it. Amazing things happen.
11/15/2016 at 8:09 PM #1082
Heres a fun game to play
Akinator the great will guess WHO you are thinking of…..
Joe Sullivan, Warners, NY
11/15/2016 at 8:10 PM #1083
If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t you’ll find an excuse
11/15/2016 at 8:11 PM #1084
Heres a fun game to play
Akinator the great will guess WHO you are thinking of…..
Joe Sullivan, Warners, NY
11/15/2016 at 8:13 PM #1085
If you really want to do something, you’ll find a way. If you don’t you’ll find an excuse
11/15/2016 at 8:14 PM #1086
SAT Daily Quiz.Test your skills
Here is an SAT question in your mailbox, daily
Think you still got it? Find out
11/15/2016 at 8:15 PM #1087
Psychic Child.. Funny
A father put his three
year old daughter to bed, told her a story and listened to her prayers
which she ended by saying:
“God bless Mommy,
God bless Daddy,
God bless Grandma
and good-bye Grandpa.”
The father asked, “Why did you say good-bye grandpa?”
The little girl said, “I don’t know daddy, it just seemed like the thing
The next day grandpa died. The father thought it was a strange
coincidence. A few months later the father put the girl to bed and
listened to her prayers which went like this:
\”God bless Mommy,
God Bless Daddy
and good-bye Grandma.\”
The next day the grandmother died. Oh my gosh, thought the father, this
kid is in contact with the other side. Several weeks later when the girl
was going to bed the dad heard her say:
\”God bless Mommy and good-bye Daddy.\”
He practically went into shock. He couldn\’t sleep all night and got up
at the crack! of dawn to go to his office. He was nervous as a cat all
day, had lunch sent in and watched the clock. He figured if he could get
by until midnight he would be okay.
He felt safe in the office, so instead of going home at the end of the
day he stayed there, drinking coffee, looking at his watch and jumping
at every sound. Finally midnight arrived, he breathed a sigh of relief
and went home.
When he got home his wife said \”I\’ve never seen you work so late, what\’s
He said \”I don\’t want to talk about it, I\’ve just spent the worst day of
She said \”You think you had a bad day, you\’ll never believe what
happened to me. This morning the mailman dropped dead on our porch.\”
V Smith, Central NY
11/15/2016 at 8:17 PM #1088
The Dog Food Story(hilarious)
Yesterday I was buying 2 large bags of Purina dog chow at Walmart, for my dogs
Winston, Chief, Gus, and Maximus. I was about to check out when a woman behind me
asked if I had a dog. What did she think, that I had an elephant?
Since I had little else to do, on impulse, I told her that no, I didn\’t
have a dog, and that I was starting the Purina Diet again, although I
probably shouldn\’t because I ended up in the hospital last time. On the
bright side though, I\’d lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive
care ward with tubes coming out of every hole in my body and IVs in both
I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way
that it works is to load your pockets with Purina nuggets and simply eat one
or two every time you feel hungry and that the food is nutritionally
complete so I was going to try it again. (I have to mention here that
practically everyone in the line was enthralled with my story by now.)
Horrified, she asked if I ended up in intensive care because the dog food
had poisoned me. I told her no; I had stopped in the middle of the parking lot to lick my butt
and a car hit me.
I thought the guy behind her was going to have a heart attack, he was laughing so hard! WAL-MART won\’t let me shop there anymore
11/15/2016 at 8:18 PM #1089
Joke.. Softball in Heaven
Two 90-year-old women, Rose and Barb, had been friends all of their lives.
When it was clear that Rose was dying, Barb visited her every day.
One day Barb said, ‘Rose, we both loved playing women’s softball all our lives, and we played all through High School. Please do me one favor: when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there’s women’s soft-ball there.’
Rose looked up at Barb from her death bed and said, ‘Barb, you’ve been my best friend for many years. If it’s at all possible, I’ll do this favor for you.’
Shortly after that, Rose passed on.
At midnight the following Friday, Barb was awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to her, ‘Barb, Barb.’
‘Who is it?’ asked Barb, sitting up suddenly. ‘Who is it?’
‘Barb — it’s me, Rose.’
‘You’re not Rose. Rose just died.’
‘I’m telling you, it’s me, Rose,’ insisted the voice.
‘Rose! Where are you?’
‘In Heaven,’ replied Rose. ‘I have some really good news and a little bad news.’
‘Tell me the good news first,’ said Barb.
The good news,’ Rose said, ‘is that there’s Softball in Heaven. Better yet, all of our old buddies who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we’re all young again.
Better still, it’ s always springtime, and it never rains or snows. And best of all, we can play softball all we want, and we never get tired.’
‘That’s fantastic,’ said Barb. ‘It’s beyond my wildest dreams! So what’s the bad news’
‘You’re pitching Tuesday.’
Life is short…So Remember to Live Well & Laugh Often!
Seth in Jamesville
11/15/2016 at 8:19 PM #1090
The cost of a Male Vs Female Brain ( joke for the ladies)
In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.
Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.
\”I\’m afraid I\’m the bearer of bad news,\” he said as he surveyed the worried faces.
\”The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.
It\’s an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.
Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves.\”
The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, \”Well, how much does a brain cost?\”
The doctor quickly responded, \”$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain.\”
The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.
A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,
\”Why is the male brain so much more?\”
The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, \”It\’s just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the female brains, because they\’ve actually been used.\”
Hart D, Syracuse NY
11/15/2016 at 8:29 PM #1091
Two Old Men .. Joke
TWO OLD MEN DECIDE THEY ARE CLOSE TO THEIR LAST DAYS AND DECIDE TO HAVE A LAST NIGHT ON THE TOWN. AFTER A FEW DRINKS, THEY END UP AT THE LOCAL BROTHEL. THE MADAM TAKES ONE LOOK AT THE TWO OLD GEEZERS AND WHISPERS TO HER MANAGER, ‘GO UP TO THE FIRST TWO BEDROOMS AND PUT AN INFLATED DOLL IN EACH BED. THESE TWO ARE SO OLD AND DRUNK, I’M NOT WASTING TWO OF MY GIRLS ON THEM. THEY WON’T KNOW THE DIFFERENCE.’
THE MANAGER DOES AS HE IS TOLD AND THE TWO OLD MEN GO UPSTAIRS AND TAKE CARE OF THEIR BUSINESS.
AS THEY ARE WALKING HOME THE FIRST MAN SAYS, YOU KNOW, I THINK MY GIRL WAS DEAD!\’ \’DEAD?\’ SAYS HIS FRIEND, \’WHY DO YOU SAY THAT?\’ \’WELL, SHE NEVER MOVED OR MADE A SOUND ALL THE TIME I WAS LOVING HER..\’ HIS FRIEND SAYS, \’COULD BE WORSE, I THINK MINE WAS A WITCH.\’ \’A WITCH ??. . WHY WOULD YOU SAY THAT?\’ \’WELL, I WAS MAKING LOVE TO HER, KISSING HER ON THE NECK, AND I GAVE HER A LITTLE BITE, THEN SHE FARTED AND FLEW OUT THE WINDOW… TOOK MY TEETH WITH HER!\’
Cheryl R, Syracuse
11/15/2016 at 8:30 PM #1092
11/15/2016 at 8:30 PM #1093
11/15/2016 at 8:31 PM #1094
The Pastors Donkey( funny joke)
The Pastor\’s Ass
The Pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.The Pastor was so pleased with the donkeythat he entered it in the race again and it won again.
The local paper read:
PASTOR\’S ASS OUT FRONT.
The Bishop was so upset with this kind of
publicity that he ordered the Pastor not to enter the donkey in another race.
The next day the local paper headline read:
BISHOP SCRATCHES PASTOR\’S ASS.
This was too much for the Bishop so heordered the Pastor to get rid of the donkey.The Pastor decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent.
The local paper, hearing of the news, posted
the following headline the next day:
NUN HAS BEST ASS IN TOWN.
The Bishop fainted.He informed the Nun that she would have toget rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.
The next day the paper read:
NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.
This was too much for the Bishop so he ordered the Nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the plains where it could run wild.
The next day the headlines read:
NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.
The Bishop was buried the next day!
The moral of the story is:
Being concerned about public opinion can
bring you much grief and misery . . even shorten your life.So be yourself and enjoy life.
Stop worrying about everyone else\’s ass and
you\’ll be a lot happier and live longer!
Have a nice day!
K Barry, Syracuse
11/15/2016 at 8:32 PM #1095
Two Japanese businessmen are talking during an afternoon dip in the hot baths at the Geisha House.
The first businessman says, “Hirokosan, I have some unpleasant news for you. Your wife is dishonoring you.”
Hirokosan can’t believe what he hears, and asks for more information.
“Your wife is dishonoring you with a foreigner of the Jewish faith.”
Shocked, Hirokosan goes home and confronts his wife.
“I am told that you are dishonoring me with a foreigner of the Jewish faith.”
She replies, “That is lie. Where you hear such mishigas?
FOR NON-YIDDISH SPEAKING FRIENDS, MISHIGAS IS YIDDISH FOR “CRAZINESS” OR “LUNACY”
Seth F, NY
11/15/2016 at 8:35 PM #1096
Senior Texting Rules! (who knew?)
Since more and more older people are texting and tweeting, there appears to be a need for a STC (Senior Texting Code).
1• ATD: At The Doctor\’s
BTW: Bring The Wheelchair
2• BYOT: Bring Your Own Teeth
3• CBM: Covered By Medicare
4• CUATSC: See You At The Senior Center
5• DWI: Driving While Incontinent
6• FWB: Friend With Beta Blockers
7• FWIW: Forgot Where I Was
8• FYI: Found Your Insulin
9• GGPBL: Gotta Go, Pacemaker Battery Low
10• GHA: Got Heartburn Again
11 HGBM: Had Good Bowel Movement
12• IMHO: Is My Hearing-Aid On?
13 LMDO: Laughing My Dentures Out
14• LOL: Living On Lipitor
15• LWO: LawrenceWelk\’s On
16• OMMR: On My Massage Recliner
17 OMSG: Oh My! Sorry, Gas.
18• ROFL… CGU: Rolling On The Floor Laughing…. And Can\’t Get Up
19 SGGP: Sorry, Gotta Go Poop
20• TTYL: Talk To You Louder
21 WAITT: Who Am I Talking To?
22 WTFA: Wet The Furniture Again
23 WTP: Where\’s The Prunes?
24 WWNO: WalkerWheels Need Oil
11/15/2016 at 8:36 PM #1097
Whos the Dad? Definition of STRESS…
You pick up a hitchhiker, a beautiful girl. Suddenly she faints inside your
car and you take her to the hospital. At the hospital they say she is
pregnant and congratulate you that you are going to be a father.
You say that you are not the father, but the girl says you are. Then you
request a DNA test to prove that you are not the father.
After the tests are completed, the doctor says that you are infertile and
probably have been since birth. You are relieved.
On your way back home you think about your three kids at home.
Now that is stress!
Jim M, South Carolina
11/15/2016 at 8:36 PM #1098
Whatever ad company created this is going to go places if they haven’t already!
You’ll never guess what this ad is about…
Now that you’ve “broken the code” you should enjoy this shorter, 30-second “sister ad”:
Joy G, Syracuse NY
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